John M:

Quite good, but the camera movement was distracting. You could have just used a cut rather than a move.

Richard Adams:

I can see you worked very hard on the lip syncing. Main problem is the jaw moves way too much, too quickly, and lip movement feels unnaturally exaggerated. Go look up Youtube on how to improve your lip syncing.

Would help if you can video record yourself saying the lines and use that video as reference for lip syncing.

Will also help facial expressiveness if you animated the eyebrows. Again, video reference will help here.